The Personal Choice of Privacy
One of the seemingly endless debates on the internet is the issue of privacy. How much information is too much information? Mothers that blog face this issue every time they make a post. They risk coming under fire for expressing their experiences by various nay sayers who suggest that the internet has allowed people to become too exposed. But what exactly is “too open?” Three blogging mothers have offered their their thoughts on how they straddle the privacy line.
Laura of Momtrolfreak.com suggests that the nature of her personality allows her freedom to share her thoughts as she wishes.
“I’ve always been a pretty open person. A complete stranger can walk up to me and pretty much ask me the first day of my last period and I’ll pony up the info–I just have never had a lot of filters. For better or worse, this is who I am. So putting that in writing and making it public is not really all that much of a leap to take” says Laura who started her blog in 2009.
As a professional actress prior to having her son Laura likens her previous career to her blogging experience now.
“I’m somewhat desensitized to the issue of baring one’s soul in front of total strangers. I’ve cried, screamed, made out, flashed a boob , shown my butt cheeks on stage in front of hundreds of people night after night,” says Laura. “It wasn’t “me,” per se, it was a character, but the sensation is the same. It’s very freeing. Blogging is kind of like that, except it’s me I’m exposing, not a character.”
Samantha Jo Campen of Back To Me started blogging in 2006 and felt just as easy making her private life public due to her blogging connects. “I was comfortable sharing family life a lot in part due to my husband. He has a strong online presence before I even got started so he understood the concept” says Campen. “My husband set very clear boundaries in his writing and I learned from that early on.”
Campen says that although she is aware of the value of privacy she feels the need to write personally to help other women connect.
“There are things I don’t share, but I really feel it’s important to write about the not-so-perfect moments in my life because I have gained so much strength from reading other blogs where the writers are having a rough time,” says Campen. “So when I talk about having been in therapy and needing medication, or how hard it was for me the first few months after our son was born, I do it for others and also out of selfishness. I need support as much as I want to lend it.”
Laura feels the same way, viewing the internet as a place to share life experiences, rather than a big bad void where her privacy is risked.
“I do feel that women can be very hard on themselves, especially mothers, and that it really helps to see someone else going through a similar situation and dealing with it with humor” she says. I’ve written about my sister’s struggle with a chronic illness and have found amazing resources for her through readers of my blog who responded to my posts. It goes both ways–it makes me feel less isolated, less stressed, and less like I’m failing at X Y or Z, to hear that other women have gone through the same struggle.
Maria of Mommy Melee says that the “unknown” feeling of the internet can make her feel more at ease sharing her personal experiences raising her son.
“I think the illusion of anonymity bolsters my confidence. Plus I’ve never had a troll or an incident that affected my sense of security” says Maria. “Once that inevitably happens, I’m sure I’ll start to question my level of comfort when it comes to sharing my family life with others.”
Campen suggests that making her blog more private also might be something that she would consider doing in the future.
“I don’t think the internet offers a lot of privacy at all, so a lot of bloggers work hard at maintaining some level of anonymity” she says. “If the time comes where it’s necessary, I’ll play around with comment settings and reduce the amount of information that is out there about my private life.”
However there was a general theme of what was off limits to write about on blogs, mainly employment.
“For me, and I know every blogger is different in terms of what they are comfortable writing about, I will never talk about my sex life, specific details about my work, any anecdote that would embarrass my family, and I will never post naked pictures of my kid” says Campen. “Those are black and white. Grey areas come up now and again of course, and I wring my hands accordingly.”
This statement was supported by Laura.
“I won’t blog about my job, because I don’t want to get fired” says Laura, “I also wouldn’t blog about TMI stuff like if I had a urinary tract infection or something, I think that would cross the line for me, unless there was something really super funny I really had to share about that.”
What really bothers Maria is the lack of connection that can occur with some bloggers.
“I’ve made it a point to try to get to know my readers as I’ve blogged. Only recently, as my traffic has gone up just a little, I’ve felt overwhelmed by that task” says Maria. “And in feeling overwhelmed, I’ve also realized that I have truly anonymous readers. People who don’t comment. People who don’t reach out.”
However Maria wholeheartedly believes in the concept of blogging to reach out and connect and feels as though she benefits from it as well, like Laura and Ms. Campen.
“I absolutely believe that my stories can give other women a sense of confidence as mothers; half the things I blog about are utter parenting screw-ups or the sort of embarrassing/gross incidents that you have to laugh at to survive” says Maria. “I always find it comforting to read someone else’s experiences and find common ground in them. I love the framework, the back story.”
Post by Justine Osterman
| A student in New York City majoring in Political Science and Media. On the rare occasion that I'm not pursuing scholarly interests I enjoy curling up with a good book or The Office. |
